AUDACITY

approx. 5 min read

My word of the year is “audacity”. This is a strong word, a term used in negative contexts perhaps more than positive ones, but it has a resonance of confidence that I wish to acquire. Having audacity means being brave, bold, confident, and spontaneous. As always, during the new year, I wished for continued personal growth and I knew having audacity would give me the desired results.

Opening Up

Being a private and introverted person, it’s quite easy to stay to myself. I must have my alone time to recharge and process things. However, there is a line between recharge time and self-isolation that can be crossed quite easily. After years of gauging that line, I balance my alone time and time with others much better and I’ve found that being with others gives me a different kind of inspiration, but opening up can be a struggle. Showing people who you are is scary and can ultimately change your life. It’s something I don’t take lightly at all, but I find myself opening up more and more when it feels right.

I was recently reminded that your kindness can be taken for weakness. Your boundaries can be crossed. And you can be betrayed. Because humans are emotional beings with autonomy. They can do or say unacceptable things and that is their choice. However, the choices others make often do not reflect your character but reflect their current situation or emotional maturity.

Woah, that was deep.

With that being said, I’ve opened up a lot this year so far, which was very audacious of me indeed. Writing this now, I’m much more at peace with previous circumstances, especially because sharing parts of myself was all in the name of self-growth and building community. More importantly, I am happy with my current relationships, new and old. They have been blossoming beautifully. Those who are meant to be there for you will. And the others will be lessons. Just mourn and then be at peace with it.

Speaking Up

Struggling alone has been a fault of mine. If I’m going through a hard time, I need space to reflect and process things, that is a fact, however, my problem has been that I spend a prolonged amount of time doing this without asking for assistance from others. 

Speaking up and opening up go hand and hand. Speaking up to ask for help sometimes means I have to open up about my problems, possibly to people who have bad intentions or don’t give a f*ck. Why would I want to do that?? Well, because I’m human and I yearn for community and I need help sometimes—that’s why! Though I ask for help more now than I have in the past, it’s still difficult. This is where audacity comes in. 

Recently, I reached out for assistance in a rather unconventional way due to a seemingly uncommon circumstance. It was a beautiful success. I found that I wasn’t alone and having the audacity to ask for help changed the trajectory of my situation. I was taught a life lesson in a very grand way: I don’t have to go through hard times by myself. Though a solution appeared out of reach, that was just an illusion because asking for help gave me the answers and support I longed for. 

It’s important to note that people who love and respect you usually help out before you even ask. And if you do ask, you won’t have to beg or overexplain. It’s interesting how a coworker or a stranger could help you more than someone you’ve known for years. It will be known when one values community. Speaking up is still vital, don’t get me wrong, but kind people will help when they see it is necessary.

Glowing Up

I glow up so often, so it’s only right I continue doing so. Glowing up comes down to becoming more beautiful, intelligent, and confident. Why wouldn’t I want to improve those qualities? Well, it’s much easier said than done. We see outcomes all the time, like students graduating with degrees or someone buying a new car, but we never understand what it takes to get to that point unless we have done it ourselves. It takes focus, sacrifice, and courage. It takes audacity!

Beauty, intelligence, and confidence go together as well. How can I have a beautiful spirit if I’m not emotionally intelligent? How can I have a beautiful presence if I don’t have confidence? Having confidence and not being intelligent isn’t good either. These are all qualities that have to improve to have a proper glow-up, which is hard work! I’m building the habit of reading, playing the daily New York Times puzzle games, keeping up with my skincare routine, saying affirmations, improving my posture, trusting my inner voice, and so much more! All at once! It can get uncomfortable, but when I get discouraged, I think of my word of the year. 

We Fall Down, but We Get Up

I allotted a tremendous amount of dedication to personal growth in my life. The most important thing I learned is that there are ups and downs in this journey. Some days I feel closer to my best self and other days I feel like I’m far away, but reaching a new threshold of potential is my motivation. And I strongly believe having the audacity will get me there.

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